52 Weeks of 52: Week 3

February 12, 2020
Week 3

If there’s one thing
I know
profess
believe
testify to &
yet can’t seem to fully grasp is
His presence in the details.

I say I know it
But, then there are these moments
where I am struck by it
in such
huge waves
that crash over me and
flood my soul.
This drenching
and saturation of
realizing His goodness to me
Stops me in my tracks
Binds my heart to gratefulness
And makes me become
Ultra aware of how
Each step
Each part
Each thing
-good
-bad
-and even the butt ugly

They all seem to
be woven into
perfection.
Everything is just
what I needed and
when I needed it.

This understanding
of how He
Loves me
Protects me
Knows me
Sees me
Understands me
Always.
I can’t even find
the words to adequately
describe it.
I try, but no words
seem to suffice.

But—
The peace that
courses through my veins
brings me rest
allows me to trust
and whispers to me,
“I am here.”

52 Weeks of 52: Week 2

February 5, 2020
Week two

I have lived 

approximately 2,654 weeks

Yet, there is still 

more to learn

room to grow

ways to deepen understanding.

A need to shake off that which doesn’t 

produce fruit

make me better

help me become more like Him.

This one thing

Haunts me 

Chases me down

and gives me a run for my money 24/7

My need and desire

for perfection 

for unrealistic expectations 

of myself

of others

of it all.

Rooted in fear and 

bathed in pride

Fueling my obsessive fixation

on always being at my best

Never wanting to disappoint

Appear less than or

Needy 

and therefore 

It causes me to 

neglect things 

necessary things

good things 

This perfectionism 

is not 

the pursuit of excellence, 

though sometimes 

the lines can blur. 

Rather it is a 

stumbling block.

It keeps me 

from listening

from hearing

from seeing.

It keeps me at an arms length

from experiencing authenticity. 

It causes me to mask myself

protect myself 

miss out and not be able to 

experience the richness 

that an imperfect life carries.

So, on this 2,655th week

 of my life

I’m determined to

forfeit my war with perfection 

and in doing so—

 Seek to be kind to myself. 

Making new choices

Promoting self care

Listening

Lots of listening

More Rest

Less Driven

Being kind to myself 

allows me to be at my best

even when I’m at my worst 


Be Kind to Yourself by Andrew Peterson https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uqP-Dl1UtRA

52 Weeks of 52 -- Week 1

January 29, 2020
Week One

52 weeks seems so long 

Yet I know about a year from now
I will be asking and wondering 
where the time goes.

Intentionally

I want to use each day 

to look for signs of His work 

in my life

for revelations, 

for lessons

for simple reminders

for deep ponderings

and those ever present a-ha moments

I imagine 

they will come 

in waves

in drops or

in still small voices.

But there is 

no doubt—

They will come. 

This week— week one!

I have pondered

the means

the way

the path

that has led me to 

where I am today.

It is covered

No, smothered 

with His handprints.

At points in my journey

I would move forward

Reluctantly

Shaking my head

With the “Wait, what?” 

mentality dominating my heart.

But I look back at 

the path

the events

the lessons

the mistakes 

the triumphs

the confusion 

the clarity  
the mess

the joy...

all of it

And I can truly say

without a doubt

with my whole heart

He has been there in it all.

I approach these 52 weeks

Which has now turned into 51

with anticipation

excitement

and determination

to make them

the best year

best months

best weeks 

and best days 

to date.

Cheers to 52 weeks of 52 -- best year yet!

Advent Week Four: 20/20 Vision for 2020

Leaning in and listening to the truths of the season

whispered to my heart and reaching each nook and cranny of my soul.

Giving me clarity for the new year.

A new year that is patiently waiting, yet eagerly approaching. 

This Advent season has brought to me

a deeper knowledge of the One who

Has crafted every day

Has guided each step

Has made each moment possible and

Has been ever so faithful to me. 

It reminds me

implores me and

requires me 

to see the hope

embrace the truth

receive the JOY!

I will listen intently and redeem each moment.

Knowing the one who is 

everlasting

ever-present

and ever-always 

everything

is the hope and joy 

and will bring clarity for the new opportunities

headed my way. 

An epic advent season
is in the making
A 20/20 vision for 2020

Advent Week Three: 20/20 Vision for 2020

Old familiar carols sung

Sentimental ornaments carefully hung

Cookies baked 

Stockings in place

Enjoying it all

In a "slow hurried" pace.

So much of it familiar

So much is still the same

Yet with each growing year

our lives endure change

Kids grow older

Some move away

Gatherings need scheduled

Dynamics change.

The season seems different

With each passing year

Yet He whispers

"I'm the same"

I am forever.

I am near.

All of the rearranges

are just part of my story

And each one 

in His plan

and all for His glory

So I embrace the sentimental

And lean in to what's ahead

He is present 

and Everlasting

His mercies never end.

An epic Advent season

is in the making.

I'm seeing more clearly.

With anticipation,

I wait for what is to come

I couldn't be more excited!

A 20/20 vision

for 2020.

Advent Week Two - Redeem (20/20 Vision for 2020)

I've been focused
listening
waiting
"pressing pause"
So I can be
in tune
prepared for
this season of Advent.

Even still, the struggle is real--
An Advent tug of war takes place
to balance
to complete the tasks
to do the things
to meet the needs
to finish the lists
And still be connected
refreshed
renewed
by the lessons this season has to offer.

Then it comes
In the middle of the night
I'm thrown off the tracks
Taken from the lists
--Projects have been started and need finished
--Christmas boxes strewn all over the house begging to be deployed
--Briefcase full of the "undone" stuff sits silently by the door
--Dirty Dishes and cluttered counters
--Games, concerts, gatherings taunt me from the calendar reminding me "there's no way for me to do them now"

Because instead--
I am required to sit and wait.
Mentally I check my list
Repeating over in my head,
"A hospital stay was not on my list"
To be honest...
Being derailed, 
momentum interrupted,
is not my favorite place

Fighting off the impulse "to control all things"
I make myself listen.
He is faithful to bring to me
an admonition
an encouragement
an Advent reminder to
Embrace the wait
lean in to what I can learn
Make the time count.
Not just in this forced moment of a hospital stay,
But always!

My heart is encouraged
to see needs but also ask for help
to be present and not just show up
to have true connections and not just do the next thing
to lean in, press on and 
make that call
send that text
not to cross it off the list 
but to redeem the time I am given.

I will still have "things"
-- the work
-- the commitments
-- the tasks
and can I just say.... THE LAUNDRY!
But if I am missing out
on people
on opportunities
on connections
on matters of the heart
all I will have accomplished is just "a list"

An epic Advent season

is in the making.

I'm seeing more clearly.

With anticipation,

I wait for what is to come

I couldn't be more excited!

A 20/20 vision

for 2020.

#listen
#redeemthetime

Advent Week One -- LISTEN (20/20 Vision for 2020)

Quietly sipping on coffee from a Christmas mug 

I sit in silence--

Willing my body to be productive

Longing for my mind to be clear.

An Advent song plays softly.

As the melody unfolds 

the words pierce deeply into my soul.

Loose this heart bound up by shame 

And I will never be the same 

So here I wait in hope of You, 

My soul's longing through and through

Clarity comes.

A word is spoken softly to my heart.
"LISTEN."

In my willingness to listen

I become more aware

of who He is
of who I am

of what He has in store 

for me -- His child.

In this listening 

I am also prompted to be heard.

Invited to share all the things...

my worries

my doubts

my short comings

and shame

I am invited to share

how I've misspoken 

missed out and

messed up.

When I am done

I am not met with silence.

Instead, He continuously speaks. 
They are words which

inspire faith

instill hope
build me up

bring me confidence.

Continuing to listen--

more promises

more hope

more truth 

flood through my soul like rushing waters 

Reminders of 

His providential hand

His perfect plan

His presence -- 100% presence in it all

Long ago,

a baby in a manger 

changed the course of history!

He is Emmanuel

Prince of Peace

Man of Sorrows

Messiah

Savior

The Bread of Life

The Great I am

who is able

who sees

who hears

who knows

who heals

who changes hearts and 

who asks me to LISTEN!

An epic Advent season

is in the making.

I'm seeing more clearly.

With anticipation,

I wait for what is to come

I couldn't be more excited!

A 20/20 vision

for 2020.

"Oh, praise the Lord, for He has listened to my pleadings! He is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trusted in him, and he helped me. Joy rises in my heart until I burst out in songs of praise to him."  Psalm 28:6-7

Click here to hear the song.😊

Advent Hymn by Christy Nockels