Sunday, November 18, 2018

Be Thankful

When we tune our hearts
to thankfulness 
Something happens
Something changes
And rearranges 
The place in our hearts 
Where sometimes we allow 
Worry
Anger
Resentment
Fear
And doubt to reside.
So, be thankful.

Thankful for 
Little things
Big things
In the moment things 
aiming
trying
putting our
best effort forward 
determined 
To be thankful—
For all things

Be thankful for the days
When all things go right
When you’re running late
but are still on time
When the lines are short
And the lost keys are found
For meals shared
And when peace
flows effortlessly 
from your home.

Be thankful for coffee 
And days that aren’t rushed 
Deadlines that are made
And mornings that are
easy 
and cheerful.

Be thankful for days
that include 
Moms and dads 
Brothers and sisters 
and friends
Who hold you 
when you’re hurting 
And love you in your mess.

Be thankful 
For to do lists that get done
For food in your fridge
Warm beds 
And lazy evenings
with nothing to do

Be thankful in 
all of the simple moments 
The sunsets
The rain showers
The sight of newly fallen snow
That display the work 
of our creator 

Be thankful for the days
That are hard
Where joy is a choice
And struggles are real.
When all hope seems lost
When the phone call comes 
And life delivers
the news you were dreading 
the rejection you were fearing; 
When jobs are lost
Relationships are broken
When the times
are dark and
loneliness is our friend 
And our only hope is found 
When we fall on our knees
And beg God
For help
For relief
It’s during those times
we can still be thankful.
Because He who
Has begun a good work 
Is not finished
He sees all 
He knows all 
His strength is 
made perfect 
in our weakness

For the 
Little things
Big things
In the moment things
For all things

be thankful—

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Bright Hope for Tomorrow

This post has been brewing
stirring
welling up
inside of me
for some time now.

Why has it taken me so long?
What am I waiting for?
Why am I afraid?

My resistance
creates a tug of war
with my words
with my being
with who I am
with how I've changed

My resistance 
creates a tug of war
with who knows
with who doesn't know
with who knows and is excited
with who knows and is still awkward
with who knows and have pushed me away

My resistance 
creates a tug of war
because I am healing
yet some never knew I was hurting.
because I want to protect people
yet I know I will still hurt some
because I want to be authentic
yet still feel the need hide

I have a resistance;

But waiting means
I can't move forward
I can't continue to heal
I can't be authentic
I can't truly share
the amazing things
that have taken place
in my life
with my heart.

These are things
that have taken
long hours
long days
long weeks
long months

They've consumed
my days
my nights
my thoughts
my heart

I've never
cried so much
prayed so much
nor sat in so much silence
trying to sort everything out

I am at a place
a crossroads
a turning point
where I can no longer
allow the resistance.

I choose to be authentic
I choose to be real
I choose to let you know

the real me

700 days ago
I left
 shortly after
I was divorced.

Just typing it
brings me pain
At times it makes me
feel like I've failed
gave up too soon
and that my turn is up.

Some of you know
Some of you don't
It's not what I wanted
but it's where I am at

Some will judge
And say I needed
 to try harder
Some will plead
And ask me to stay
Because that’s what’s right
Some after listening
will work hard to understand
and others will just
simply
turn
away

But in everything
 I choose to
put my roots in truth
and rest in the One
in Whom I belong
Resist the lies
and cling to what I know

It means I have to
allow people in
to know my mess
and not fear
rejection
loss and
judgement


In all this
sadness
despair
and total loss
God has seen fit to
bring redemption
bring restoration &
and allow me to
know him
like never before.

It has been
raw
messy and
sometimes lonely.
But He has been
faithful
powerful and
Has never been
caught off guard

He has blessed me
with a gift
a friend
someone
who loves me
who challenges me
who laughs with me
who believes in me
who listens to me
      when I need to speak
who speaks to me
      when I need to listen
who has taught me to dream
who brings me hope
who directs me to Christ
who is not hidden
and who makes me feel
beautiful
smart
funny
and valued.

It has been
Just shy of
365 days that
I've known this friend.

What started as
A simple interaction
Led to a
casual friendship
was seasoned with
genuineness
intention
& connectedness.

It has grown
into something
beautiful &
God centered.


It has planted
a seed of hope
that God isn't finished
with me yet.

I am not hidden
I am not ashmed
I am not done.

I am still growing
I am still learning
I am still changing

I am not perfect
I am not a failure
I will not be defined by my past

My life can still be
powerful
amazing 
and filled with promise.

So, that post?
it's coming
it's here 
it just happened.

Happy (almost) Friendaversary Tim!