52 Weeks od 52: Week 5

February 26, 2020
Week 5

Since reaching my half century mark
I find myself thinking on
the good old days
before "life" really set in
where my biggest decision was
Should I finish that algebra homework or
Watch the new episode of Remington Steele?
The speed at which these memories
grab and tug my heart
seems to be speeding up
in these 52 weeks of 52.
I imagine this is normal

The reality of getting old
sinks deeper
every.single.day.
52 seemed ancient years ago
and now it is who I am.
My habits and priorities are
slowing changing.
Kind of like that Progressive Commercial,
I am slowly becoming like my parents
I guess it's about time
I am 52, right?

My commute to work
even though short
has always been
about maximizing that time
Making a phone call
Thinking about work
Giving last minute instructions
to whatever child happened to be
in the car at the time.
Eating my breakfast
Barking orders
Mentally checking through
what was happening at work
after work
after dinner
before bed,
and then at work the next day.

In this 5th week of 52
I had a realization of what
my drive to work is now
It is a brief and cherished
15 minutes of "me" time.
And...
I love it!
Sometimes I am silent
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I process
Sometimes I actually even
talk to myself
out loud.
This winding country road to work
has become a cherished friend.
I enjoy the sunrise
I enjoy the beauty around me
I am NOT thinking of work
or shoving down my breakfast
I am offering my mind a break
quieting my heart
I am at rest.

My former
get to work
rush in the door
is now replaced with
making sure I park
facing the field to catch
the last part of the sun peeking over the horizon
or the last part of the song.
It has been peaceful.
and has brought sweet rest to my soul.
But more importantly
It has created space --
a 15 minute window
for Him to speak to me.
And that...
That is what I love most.

Getting old is not always easy
and not always fun
but I am finding the benefits
of perspective
of stillness
of slowing down
of listening
to be the most beautiful time of my life.

Excuse me now,
while I make sure
no one has left any lights on
or messed with the thermostat.
After all, I am 52!

52 Weeks of 52: Week Four

February 19, 2020
Week Four

I've been around this earth

for about 19,000+ days

and there are just some things

that I know--

for sure

without a doubt

hands down

pinky swear--

know in the  

depths and deepest part 

of my heart.

I know obvious things like

I like coffee (ok, love)

I am at home near water
with my toes in the sand

Office supply stores make me giddy

I geek over word games 

Education is a passion and

I can create rhyming words, jingles and 

rap lyrics in a snap.

I also know practical things

I am not good in the kitchen

I can not be trusted around whoopie pies

I love Seinfeld reruns 

Sitting on porches

and vintage shopping adventures

I should never try cutting my own bangs

and I just really don't like eggs 

(honestly, I've tried)

But, this past week--

This 4th week of 52,

I have been thinking about 

other things I know. 

I've been feasting my mind on those

eternal and forever

life bringing thoughts

that have not just made me filled with more things I know.

But, they've actually 

changed my heart

rearranged my thinking

strengthened my resolve

made me stronger

fostered hope

calmed my fears

allowed me to be a better version of me.

I am realizing more and more

these thoughts are really where 

my trust lies

my hope is anchored and

what I use as a filter 

when life gets rough and 

when life is good

when things seem murky

and are crystal clear.

These truths allow me to 

sing praises in storm,

trust Him when it's hard

and acknowledge Him when life's good. 

These truths I know cut right through

that first draft of a story I write

when I am offended

wounded

or angry

These truths create 

confidence when I am weak

resolve when I am strong

perseverance when I am "done"

and endurance every.single.step

These truths are embedded in my heart

and nourish my soul.

These truths could fill up this page

and 100 more .....

no maybe 100,000 more pages

But the ones dear to me this past week,

this 4th week of 52 are

He is mercy.

He is grace.

He is the light in my darkness.

He is in control.

He knows me better than anyone.

He delights in me.

In him, I have no shame.

He speaks to me and I must listen

He guides me.

He protects me. 

I can trust His plan for me.

He wants to use me. 

He is a promise keeper.

I can't do anything to get Him to love me more.

He has called me and given me purpose

These truths have

astounded me and 

grounded me

changed my outlook 

rearranged my attitude

made me wiser

and made me content

to live this life--

this year of 52

trusting Him.

It's the best thing I could ever know!

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 121:1-8)

52 Weeks of 52: Week 3

February 12, 2020
Week 3

If there’s one thing
I know
profess
believe
testify to &
yet can’t seem to fully grasp is
His presence in the details.

I say I know it
But, then there are these moments
where I am struck by it
in such
huge waves
that crash over me and
flood my soul.
This drenching
and saturation of
realizing His goodness to me
Stops me in my tracks
Binds my heart to gratefulness
And makes me become
Ultra aware of how
Each step
Each part
Each thing
-good
-bad
-and even the butt ugly

They all seem to
be woven into
perfection.
Everything is just
what I needed and
when I needed it.

This understanding
of how He
Loves me
Protects me
Knows me
Sees me
Understands me
Always.
I can’t even find
the words to adequately
describe it.
I try, but no words
seem to suffice.

But—
The peace that
courses through my veins
brings me rest
allows me to trust
and whispers to me,
“I am here.”

52 Weeks of 52: Week 2

February 5, 2020
Week two

I have lived 

approximately 2,654 weeks

Yet, there is still 

more to learn

room to grow

ways to deepen understanding.

A need to shake off that which doesn’t 

produce fruit

make me better

help me become more like Him.

This one thing

Haunts me 

Chases me down

and gives me a run for my money 24/7

My need and desire

for perfection 

for unrealistic expectations 

of myself

of others

of it all.

Rooted in fear and 

bathed in pride

Fueling my obsessive fixation

on always being at my best

Never wanting to disappoint

Appear less than or

Needy 

and therefore 

It causes me to 

neglect things 

necessary things

good things 

This perfectionism 

is not 

the pursuit of excellence, 

though sometimes 

the lines can blur. 

Rather it is a 

stumbling block.

It keeps me 

from listening

from hearing

from seeing.

It keeps me at an arms length

from experiencing authenticity. 

It causes me to mask myself

protect myself 

miss out and not be able to 

experience the richness 

that an imperfect life carries.

So, on this 2,655th week

 of my life

I’m determined to

forfeit my war with perfection 

and in doing so—

 Seek to be kind to myself. 

Making new choices

Promoting self care

Listening

Lots of listening

More Rest

Less Driven

Being kind to myself 

allows me to be at my best

even when I’m at my worst 


Be Kind to Yourself by Andrew Peterson https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uqP-Dl1UtRA