He is so kind

In the quiet moments of the morning 

I lay quietly in my bed.

Often before I rise,

and put my feet to the floor

I pray.

In honesty,

sometimes the praying turns into extra sleep.

But, it is my routine to pray

for my people

for my day

for the things that 

plague me

press me and

present challenge.

I pray through my day ahead

I ask for wisdom

I align myself

I listen.

You see, I routinely struggle

to come to terms

to put to rest 

to lay down the

feelings of 

guilt

shame

and regret.

This morning, 

He spoke kindly to my heart

about His timing

about His provision

about His plan

He told me, without hesitation,

He has seen me through it all

He has known me through it all

He has loved me through it all

He has been there through it all. 

It wasn’t the first time 

I’ve heard these words.

He has repeated them to me 

Every. single. day for four years. 

But, this morning as He spoke truth to me 

so beautifully

so specifically

so directly. 

I felt a paradigm shift

A rearrangement in my thoughts

A letting go -- 

like the real kind of letting go

The never going to pick it back up again kind of letting go.

This brings me hope.

And hope walks hand and hand with courage!

Courage, to approach each day victorious 

because of He who lives in me. 

He is so kind to me.

52 Weeks of 52: Week 52

 Week 52
January 18, 2020

I am closing out and 
raising a toast to Week 52 of being 52
These 52 weeks were certainly unprecedented

filled with firsts for everyone

I have said at least weekly,

"This is such a weird year!"

This last week our toaster

gave up her life

I have never really grown attached to 

any kind of kitchen appliance until this toaster 

which holds special meaning to me.

When moving into our duplex

in April of 2017 

I was amazed and energized 

by the way the Lord provided.

It seemed at every turn 

I was reminded of His goodness.

On the day after we moved

I was savoring the reality of 

an unpacked and settled home

a stocked fridge

a place where so many came together 

and made it happen 

I was looking at a place

that would be our refuge

offering peace to my heart.

I thanked the Lord profusely for His goodness 

and remarked that as I looked over the list I had made 

of things I needed

I was amazed the only thing missing was a toaster. 

I figured I could do without

and find a cheap one somewhere

I left that morning 

to meet a friend for breakfast

and when I returned there was a vase of flowers on my doorstep 

that included a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond.

The Lord whispered to me

"I want you to have the best toaster!"

The toaster in the photo was what I bought that day.

But more than a toaster --

I received a sweet reminder from the Lord.

He would provide whatever I needed

He would direct my steps

He would protect me

Better yet, 

He reminded me that I was not to worry about 

a single thing 

because he already had it figured out 

I could trust Him with it all.

He assured me that...

He sees me

He knows me

He delights in me.

As I wrap up year 52

I've seen 52 weeks  that have been like no other

We have faced 

uncertainty

sadness

and unrest.

We have seen

sickness

protests and

unprecedented discord

We had a front row seat

to bothers and sisters

once united

now spewing hatred and 

have witnessed

all things ugly

But as I prepare to make another 

trip around the sun 

(and retire this most special toaster)

The Lord whispers once again

"Do not be weary, I've still got this"

I  see you

I  know you

I  delight in you

There is nothing

NOTHING

that can change that!