52 Weeks of 52 Week 14

April 29, 2020
Week 14

Getting the mail is one of my favorite things to do!
Always has been
Always will
I go to the mailbox
expectant
anticipating
that there might be something
fun
unexpected
amazing
touching
unbelievable
waiting...just for me
Most days.... there's not
But, I still approach the mailbox
with excitement
every.single.day

Today the mailbox
was full
included a package
and it was addressed to me!
Upon opening
I unfolded the contents
which were meticulously folded
and deceptively arranged and
from the neatly organized package
fell my cap and gown!

I literally squealed.
It is getting real
The 36 months
of working
writing
reading and
research
All of the
coffee drinking
paper writing and
assignments
have come to a close.
Your girl is finally
finally
DONE!

To God be the Glory
He is the only reason it has even been possible
I could tell you stories
of His faithfulness
of His goodness
through it all.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I know I have to wait for Ocotber
to officially have a ceremony
(Dang Corona)
But seriously
so stoked
so blessed
so freaking excited
to be D.O.N.E!

52 Weeks of 52: Week 13

Week 13: April 22, 2020

Scrolling through some Facebook memories
I noticed a post from 10 years ago, today.
I was exclaiming triumphantly
about officially
finally
getting a job.
My 4 months of
looking
waiting &
wondering
were finally over.
 I was overjoyed--
Everything was working out
just like I had planned
God was good
Life was good
It all was going to be grand!

What I didn't know--
two weeks later
the job would fall through
I would be left
looking
waiting &
wondering
AGAIN.
At the time,
it seemed
unfair
unjust
and downright --
unbelievable!
I was not rejoicing
I was not hopeful.
I did eventually recover (sigh)
and He provided a
perfect
just right
best for me
job.
The "10 years ago" me
had no clue
of  the path my life would
soon take.

As I reflect on these years,
It has not always looked perfect
It has not always been pleasant.
Actually...
It has been hard.
Probably the hardest season of my life.

But in it all
I have learned
I have realized
I wholeheartedly believe
my joy does not come from
my circumstances
or current state of affairs
My joy comes from knowing
My hope is in Him.

He has brought me to a
beautiful place
of rest and contentment
not because
all is just right and problem-free
Some days--
I still want to
curl up in a blanket
live in comfort
protect myself from
"all the things"

But, I have found
my lips more easily praise Him
my heart more readily surrenders
Because I can look back and see
His plan
His purpose
His direction
all allow me to live
in a constant state of rejoicing!

I find it ironic --
No, providential
that on my list of things to do today
(10 years later)
is turning in the final draft of my research
with the second round of edits done
by the end of today it will be
publish ready!
I am excited
I am thrilled
I am relieved
I am thankful
and thank you JESUS...
I am D.O.N.E!

It has been 10 years in the making
But WOW--
He has been preparing me
He has been molding me
He has been laying out this path
Of course-- I am happy to be done!
But my true joy comes from knowing
deep down
that He
who has promised me eternal life
who has saved me
who delights in me
has also
planned my days
provided my strength
given me wisdom
used all things for my good
created me for such a time as this...

and in Him I find my hope and REJOICE!

52 Weeks of 52: Week 12

Week 12 -- April 15, 2020

We were supposed to

have a another driver

in the family by now

But alas, Corona!

In this quarantine 

we have taken time to

practice driving

to the store

to Sonic

to wherever is needed

and sometimes wanted

Yesterday, while driving,

I remembered 

all of the 

pre-practice lessons 

down the old driveway

and country gravel roads

It seemed like years ago.

when her feet barely reached the pedals and

she would scoot her seat way up close

and drive on the gravel drive

pretending she was headed somewhere grand

or attempt to park the car at home

(without driving into the side of the house).

In those moments,

her being 16 seemed

far far away

She would often remind me of the 

years

months 

and days 

of when it was going to happen

At the time -- it didn't seem even possible.

But, as time always does 

it marches on

keeps going

never stops

As we drove, 

my mind traveled down

the road of nostalgia

"I can't believe she's 16"

"One more in the house"

"But that's only for 2 more years"

The thoughts tumbled into my brain

one by one

Eventually, giving me a feeling of grief

down to the pit of my soul.

I found myself wanting

all of  them to be young again

all of them to be home again

all of them to stay young

In that exact moment 

a phrase 

from a song

playing in the car

played carefully into my heart.

Your love will not run empty
Your love's a well that will never run dry
Your love will not run empty
Your love grows sweeter and sweeter with time

A stillness came over my thoughts
A peace invaded my soul
This moment
was a game changer
a mind rearranger
a mindset maker
a joy bringer

These moments of motherhood
having them home -- all of it
I treasure deeply
There is a natural mourning
that takes place
as these days seem fleeting--
and that's OK.
I will endeavor to
embrace each day
find joy in each day
with a willingness to know --
they are changing.
I have so much love in my heart for
these precious daughters of mine.

But, far greater, than this love
I have for my three gems is the
great love He has for me.
This love will never disappoint
This love will never run empty
This love is always there
Sweeter and sweeter with time.
This love is eternal.
And I am thankful.

 "Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever."Psalm 136:26

Song Lyrics:  Maverick City "You Are Loved"

52 Weeks of 52: Week 11

Week 11:  April 8, 2020

Ancient words

fresh and new

bringing life

renewing hope

Sitting on the deck

reading the resurrection story,

a phrase jumps out 

in a brand new way.

I am reminded

it all happened

"...just as He said"

Reading it

brings peace.

He had told them He would

and

He did.

When I lose sight 

of His promises

I flounder

I fake it

I fail

When I am trusting 

in anything else 

I am without hope.

It doesn't mean life

is perfect

without problems

or always easy to figure out

What it means --

When facing adversity and

doubt creeps in

I press in

I persevere and 

choose to believe

because it is, "just as He said."

He is risen 

and that is all I need. 

52 Weeks of 52: Week 10

Week 10: April 1, 2020

Eleonore -- Shining Light
Grace -- God's favor

I sat waiting to meet a friend
for a birthday celebration.
I was shocked.
I was amazed.
While I didn't need an explanation on
HOW it had happened
Moments before,
I had just seen the double lines
and was like "Wait.... what?"
Years ago
all things baby
had been sold,
consigned,
or given to someone in need.
On the precipice of
what I thought was "being done",
life's trajectory
was instantly changed
one summer evening in July.
Sitting and waiting
my emotions perplexed
the Lord spoke softly
calmed my questions
spoke to my heart.
He confirmed,
really what I already knew.
His plan is perfect.
His ways impeccable.
I knew this unexpected blessing
would surely be something grand.

Growing inside of me
she was
surrounded by prayer
serenaded by song
and exactly on her due date
was welcomed with expectant and loving arms.

He made her perfectly
fierce
loyal
loving &
kind
a lover of people
with a discerning heart
in possession of so much compassion
it oozes from her being.
She is a joy bringer
with the belly laugh to beat the band
She brings life.
She brings energy.
She brings fun to the dullest of moments.
She is brave.
She is strong
and can do whatever her mind determines.
He has created her
with resilience
with passion
with a heartbeat for Him

I knew back on that day
200 months ago
that indeed the Lord
had great plans for this one.
There is NO doubt
Eleonore Grace--
shining light of God's favor
your story is just now
getting started

I wait eagerly
with an expectant heart
and confident mind that
"God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns." (Phil. 1:6)